David Hinton's documentary, which was shown by TCM recently, is a gem
of a film because it gives a fantastic account of all that went on to
make the film. "Gone with the Wind" stories have been told forever, or
so it seems, yet, in the documentary they are examined thoroughly again
by a lot of Mr. Selznik's collaborators who were still around in 1989
to tell the story.

The best thing in "Making of a Legend: Gone with the Wind" is the
footage where many stars were tested for the leading roles. The
characters of the book were coveted by most of the actors of the time
because they realized the importance about appearing in it would mean
to their careers. We see actors of the stature of Jean Arthur, Joan
Bennett, Tallulah Bankhead, among the ones that wanted to contribute to
the movie, yet, they were not chosen.

David O. Selznik comes across as a disorganized genius who had no idea
about what he was doing. His memos to the cast and crew were something
not to be believed. Some people resented this way of communication. His
battle with George Cukor is also told and how Victor Fleming, who by
all accounts was not the perfect candidate, came to be the one that was
able to complete the picture.

There are some excellent comments, especially from Ann Rutherford and
Evelyn Keyes, who explain what they saw while the film was in
production. Some others also come on to tell us their view about what
the film changed their lives and the experience of having worked with a
mad man who was so intent in getting the movie done. It's a good thing
this film was done during the 1930s because it would probably had cost
more than 200 million in today's dollars! Thanks to director David
Hinton this epic movie is examined and put in its proper context to
help the viewer understand the way Hollywood worked during the time it
decided to convert the book into a movie.

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"The Little Mermaid" is Rotten Sushi" (Pretty Bad)

It’s been all of 18 years since the theatrical release of "The Little Mermaid," and finally, now that the dust has settled, the mermaid fever has subsided, and its substantial audience has had a bit of a chance to digest the film, it seems clear that what the world really needs right now is to read another review of this 1989 Disney offering. People are clamoring for a well researched, incisively written, and amazingly thought-provoking piece of criticism. Humankind needs the truth, the real truth, raw and unfettered by fuzzy feelings and soggy nostalgia. Unfortunately, this is not such a review. On the contrary, this is an examination full of hunches, uneducated guesses, and fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants intuition. Concepts like “logic” will not be used, and the original Hans Christian Anderson text will not be considered. But does Ariel deserve any better? "The Little Mermaid," with all its magic and pluck, presents its fish princess as nothing more than a socially irresponsible and destructively inconsiderate brat. And all of us, filled with enchantment, sat and smiled.It has been stated that this film was the beginning of a new Disney renaissance. Following the success of The Little Mermaid, Disney produced such films as The Lion King, Beauty and the Beast, and Tarzan. With these filmic accomplishments, Disney, once again, became relevant. After the creative nadir of the 1980s, the studio began to make something greater than simple animated films – they created event pictures. The result was a decade in which palpable excitement existed for each Disney release. And while this sense of anticipation has eroded with the rise of so many exceptional competitors, Disney remains a name that you can trust . . . mostly.Writing, specifically, from a purely scientific viewpoint, it seems impossible that such an objectionable film create such offspring. How does a bad tree produce good fruit? Perhaps, this question is best left to our pop culture theorists. Perhaps, we may never know. Some might hypothesize that the answers rest with the clever marketing of the film or, maybe with the perky, hummable soundtrack. Whatever the reasons, the simple unavoidable truth is this: people like the movie. They do.But they shouldn’t. The Little Mermaid is an animated feature that carries with it a protagonist who is completely odious and, perhaps, irredeemable. Ariel lives her life as a mermaid princess with no respect for the feelings of others. She is selfish and irresponsible. Even in the first few scenes of the film, Ariel demonstrates her flair for heedlessness. As the central figure of an underwater Broadway-like production that is meant to showcase her budding talents, Ariel fails to take part in the rehearsals. She also fails to take part in the performance itself, leaving her sisters in quite an embarrassing situation. Certainly, they have practiced a great deal in an attempt to please their father. Their singing and choreography demonstrates this. But, the practice is wasted. Undoubtedly, the pain of this moment for Ariel’s sisters must cut deeper because of the fact that Ariel seems inexplicably to be King Triton’s favorite. One can only speculate as to why this is the case. Ariel doesn’t have a mother and, maybe, as the youngest child, she reminds her father of the married life that he once had. Also, and unfortunately, there is the chance that King Triton respects Ariel’s essential joie de vivre. While caring for her well-being, he secretly admires her freedom and youth. Not knowing the intricacies of mermaid mores, it is difficult to ascertain with certainty any type of truth on these issues.However, we know what we see, and what we see is an incredible disrespect, not only for Ariel’s father/king, but also for those whom she calls friends. Again, early in the film Ariel is instructed by her father not to go to the surface. It’s dangerous and, as a loving parent, he cares for her safety. But, to put it frankly, Ariel doesn’t care about her father’s wishes. She only cares for herself and nothing will stop her in her pursuit for human contact. In chasing this dream, Ariel also puts her friends in danger. She takes Flounder through shark-infested waters in an attempt to get closer to humans, whose garbage she is hording in an underwater cave. After Sebastian enters her life as a chaperone, she continues on her decadent ways without caring how her choices will affect Sebastian’s standing with the king. While King Triton loves his daughter, he also proves to be vengeful and impetuous, which are not exactly the ideal traits to work under for Sebastian, especially if you are doomed to fail.In a jarringly ironic scene, Sebastian pleads with Ariel to change her ways. His entreaty comes in the form of a song. “The seaweed is always greener in somebody else’s lake,” Sebastian opines. “You dream about going up there, but that is a big mistake. Just look at the world around you, right here on the ocean floor. Such wonderful things surround you. What more are you looking for?” It’s truly a lively, plucky tune, and Sebastian attempts to amplify its affect by arranging it as an accompaniment to a dynamic dance sequence, featuring a diverse group of undersea life. But it has no affect on the selfish princess. In fact, she leaves in the middle of the song. Here is the irony. During a sparkling performance that makes the human viewer want to join the sea, Ariel’s resolve becomes greater – she will “be where the people are.” The affect that this decision must have had on Sebastian and the other sea creatures cannot be overstated. What’s wrong with their lives? Are they not good enough for Ariel? Clearly, to Ariel, there is something wrong with their lives. Clearly, they are not good enough. And so it goes that Ariel essentially chooses the prince over her father. Her infatuation with humans usurps any type of feelings that she has for her home. It should be stated now that Ariel is only sixteen years old. The repercussions of this fact are immense. In contemporary terms, she is, after all, underage. It might be legal for her to marry the prince in his culture, but is it right? Is she emotionally prepared to commit to an adult male of a different species? Of course, Ariel is quite precocious, but the film gives no indication that she will have the maturity to handle this change. Interestingly, by following through with these morally questionable actions, Ariel shows as much disdain for contemporary culture as she does for her own culture. She breaks the acceptable standards of King Triton’s laws and does likewise with the elementary values of the viewer. Surely, this should alienate Ariel from all who know her. Yet, somehow, it doesn’t. Apologists may surmise that Ariel’s age explains her impetuous behavior and even justifies it, but it’s certainly undeniable that her actions throughout the film are negative and hurtful. Ariel’s deeds might be understandable, but they are not acceptable. Most shameful of all is Ariel’s insistence on fraternizing and even desiring to become part of a society that is certainly the mortal enemy of her own. After all, the humans eat fish. In fact, as the human society rests on the seashore, it’s clear that the inhabitants of this township depend on shipping and fishing for their livelihood. What could be worse than a sea princess desiring to become part of a civilization that must destroy her own civilization to survive? Ariel, for whatever reason, cannot see the moral and mortal implications of her choices. Surely, a love affair between Anne Frank and Adolf Hitler would be a fair comparison to the deleterious decisions of Ariel. When she receives her legs, Ariel is ethically and literally a fish-out-of-water. She’s sleeping with the enemy. She’s endorsing the genocide that is taking place everyday in the home of her family and friends. To make matters worse, there is always the possibility, and maybe probability, that Ariel will ask the humans to stop eating fish, a request that is both laughable and misguided. What will happen to the human’s economy? How will they survive without their chief source of food? Even after choosing to reject her own civilization, Ariel must make another choice: will she allow the humans to continue to eat her old friends or will she destroy the livelihood of her new friends? Perhaps, the answer comes in a scene late in the film. After Ariel receives her legs, she dines with the prince. In a remarkably horrifying sequence, a food-crazed Frenchman chases Ariel’s friend Sebastian around a kitchen. Sebastian flees onto a plate that is meant for Ariel’s dining party. Following a bit of funny business, Sebastian escapes, but Ariel is left with a quandary. Does she eat the fish that must have been prepared for her or does she refuse to eat someone who could possibly be one of her friends? Later, Ariel’s subsequent choice is made clear, as the prince never mentions any difficulty that Ariel has had living in his kingdom. She must have eaten the fish. Thus, Ariel must have made the conscious choice to become a cannibal. While it’s questionable whether Ariel had difficulty swallowing her friends, it’s clear that fans of The Little Mermaid had no difficulty in swallowing Ariel’s choice. As the main architects of this film, directors Ron Clements and John Musker, as well as screenwriter Roger Allers, have given the people what they wanted. They have created a world where the Anglo-Saxon hegemony rules. To truly live, one must be a European descended white person. This is what Ariel believes. Thus, some viewers might find Ariel’s desires reasonable and tolerable because they are themselves European descended white people. “Obviously, Ariel would want to be one of us,” these people might assume. “Why wouldn’t she want to a part of my culture?” Hence, The Little Mermaid succeeded at the box office. This fact produces a grim portrait of modern-day society. Many can’t understand the value of other cultures – in this case, the world under the sea. With this in mind, clearly, each person who saw the film and left with a smile on his or her face must have felt the inherent acceptability of Ariel’s actions. People need others to want them. Ariel fulfills this need. She wants to be like the culturally dominant majority in America. Yet, the value of this is arguable. What about the richness of difference? What about distinctiveness? To be sure, in a more progressive version of this film the prince might have ended up in the sea or Ariel might have remained among her people after realizing the uniqueness and greatness of her own culture. Interestingly, Ariel’s journey becomes, expectedly, a lateral move. She goes from being a princess to being a princess. For the filmmakers, it would be horrific to imagine Ariel falling in love with, say, a peasant or a lowly farmer. However touching this sacrifice of status would be, it’s not what the audience, this movie’s audience, wants to see. Certainly, these things would have given the film a message and an inimitability one could more fully respect. But Clements, Musker, and Allers didn’t see it that way, and their blindness guided them right into the hearts of millions. Some have said that the process of watching a film (or, in this case, a movie) is less demanding than the process of partaking in any other form of art. Movies envelop us. They require so very little. They give and give, never asking us to take. The Little Mermaid, then, seems like a most gracious philanthropist. It offers cotton candy for the soul, and it does so without any sense of its own shortcomings. Accordingly, we eat, never considering that we are being made fat with the unfathomable, selfish yearnings of a fish. Maybe moral constructs should not be placed on a fictional cartoon character such as Ariel. Maybe successful family movies don’t deserve harangues from not-so-successful film critics. But, it is my belief that, with Ariel’s desire to walk, she is, in fact, standing for something. She represents the lazy and misguided efforts of filmmakers everywhere who believe that frolicking magic, whether it is special effects or dancing, singing anthropomorphized animals, can replace thoughtful excellence. Attentive decency isn’t required. I just don’t want to watch any more whining brats passed off as heroines.Thus, our favorite little mermaid proves to be a self-centered, inconsiderate, possibly racist, cannibalistic, wasted piece of fish flesh. That’s my opinion. And my opinion isn’t wrong.
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1970s & 1980s

The Movie:

COLT’s Buckshot Productions presents ten vintage short movies from the 1970s and 1980s featuring some very fine ‘n butch muscle dudes ready for man to man sexin’.

The Cast:

Rick Wolfmier, Mike Betts, Bob Randall, Moose, Gunner Hyde, Killer Joe, Mike Davis, Lloyd Kasper, Rocco Rizzoli, Loren Marks, Beau Matthews, Todd Barron, J.W. King, Strutz.

Safe Sex/Condoms:

No (Pre Condom)

The Dudes:

Gawd! “Man to Man Heat!” is a cornucopia of muscular and toned dudes with dark hair, hairy and smooth chests, full and trimmed pubes, and cut ‘n uncut cocks. There’s also plenty of hangy hairy nuts.

“Hawaiian Heat“:

A lush tropical local with palm trees swaying in the gentle breeze sets the backdrop for this smutty little tale of man-lust. Mike Betts (good-looking with short dark hair, muscular/tanned/smooth body) jogs down the beach wearing his red swim trunks when he catches the eye of horny Rick Wolfmier (handsome with short curly dark hair, beard, muscular/hairy body). When Mike stops at a sandbar to take a break, Rick makes sure he’s noticed with some not-so-subtle crotch rubbing. Mike takes the bait and soon the dudes are engaged in some full-one tongue kissing and body rubbing. Mike pulls Rick’s blue swimming suit down revealing dark trimmed pubes, plump nuts, and a clipped cock. Rick follows the lead yanking Mike’s trunks down and exposing his full brown bush and cut tool.

Lying with his legs spread apart, Rick shows off his hot hairy gooch and butt crack as Mike strokes his prick. The guys break out the baby oil applying it generously to each other’s prick and jack ‘em fast ‘n hard. Rick shoots a large thick load on Mike’s tanned chest and Mike cuts loose with a big ol load on his stomach as well. Dude is covered with cum. Hot!

“Gunner & Killer”:

Gunner (good-looking with brown hair, mustache, muscular/hairy/tattooed body) is lying back on a deck with his legs spread wide apart jacking his rigid cut cock using his left fist. Gunner has a hot full dark bush and beautiful hangy nuts that flop as he chokes his chicken. Killer (good-looking with short dark hair, mustache, muscular/hairy body) arrives and digs what Gunner is up to. Killer unzips his tight blue jeans and pulls ‘em down revealing his full pubes, hairy balls, and hard cut dick. Reaching over to help his pal out, Killer jacks Gunner’s stiff member leading him to chow down giving some excellent deep throat. Killer straddles Gunner and fucks his buddy’s face using long quick strokes. Gunner knows how to suck cock and gives Killer loads of pleasure. Killer finger fucks Gunner’s tight hairy bunghole replacing it with his turgid tool pounding the hell out of that man-chute. Gunner shoots his jizz on Killer’s hairy chest while Killer lets loose with thick spooge on Gunner’s bum.

“Saturday Afternoon Fever”:

I love the name of this short! Well, there’s no John Travolta but we do have Terry (good-looking with brown hair, beard, and muscular/hairy body) lounging in the back of a 1970s VW van wearing a leather vest, daisy dukes!, and black work boots. He’s thumbing through a COLT magazine while stroking his large veiny clipped cock with one of the biggest suckable knobs I’ve ever seen. Down below we have Josh (good-looking with brown hair, beard, and toned/hairy body) repairing the broken down van. Josh definitely has it goin’ on with his black leather cap, tight blue jeans, and black boots. He grabs himself a handful of Terry’s big dick and crams it down his gullet. Terry yanks his pal’s blue jeans down and spreads those butt cheeks exposing a tight hairy touchhole.

Leather dude Pat (nice-looking with short brown hair, mustache, toned/smooth body) rides up on his hog wearing the full regalia of black leather cap, cool leather jacket, tight faded jeans that fit like a second skin, black boots, and groovy shades. Pat is thoughtful enough to have a hole cut in the crotch of the jeans so that his hangy nuts, long dong with large purple knob, and brown pubes are on full display. Josh immediately gets down on Pat’s big dick sliding his wet mouth up and down the rigid stalk and jacking for all it’s worth. Josh is soon frantically switching back and forth sucking those big dongs as Pat and Terry enjoy maximum oral pleasure. Josh fucks Pat from behind fast ‘n hard leading Pat to drill Josh doggy with the same forceful strokes. Terry and Pat bust their big thick loads on Josh’s face. Josh dumps spunk on his stomach. Oddly enough, there is no disco music in this short.

“The Love Tub”:

Hey! Let’s open this lil’ smut fest with a close-up of a yummy turkey leg! Bob Randall (nice-looking with short brown hair, mustache, toned/tight/smooth body) relaxes in the warm bubbly waters of his hot tub with an open bottle of champagne and the above-mentioned leg o’ turkey sitting nearby. Bob grabs that fucking gobble gobble and chows down! Moose (hot dude with short dark hair, muscular body) arrives home and makes his way out to the hot tub. Moose definitely has an early 1970s Burt Reynolds look going on with his open Levis vest, tight blue jeans, and cool shades. He sits next to the hot tub and grabs that turkey leg! What’s up with these dudes? Did they miss their Thanksgiving meal? Thankfully, the food is soon forgotten when Bob starts licking and sucking Moose’s hairy chest and hard nipples.

Moose stands up taking his shades off while removing his vest and tight blue jeans revealing full dark pubes and a big uncut cock with very nice long foreskin. Bob rubs that beautiful unclipped tool licking and sucking the foreskin nipple, wrapping his hand around the growing shaft, and taking that fucker down his throat. Moose makes his way into the hot tub leading to some very hot tongue kissing and Bob showing off his tight shaved asshole. Moose fucks Bob from behind on a lounge chair using quick humping motions. Bob hops off the lounger and gets fucked doggy style on the ground while jacking his stiff cut dick. Moose shoots a thick load on Bob’s bum and Bob squirts a huge wet load that flies everywhere landing on his chest and stomach. This short is also available in the COLT compilation “Couples”.

“The Best Laid Plans”:

Bricklayers Wener (good-looking with brown hair and toned/hairy body) and Josh (good-looking with dark hair, beard, and toned body) take a well-deserved lunch break. Wener is wearing a tight orange tee shirt and some of those cheesy daisy duke shorts. His fat cut cock and big hangy balls just happen to be on display. Not to be outdone by his co-worker, Josh’s hard clipped dick is sticking out of his tight blue jeans. The dudes sit side-by-side stroking the other’s dong leading Wener to deep throat Josh’s big weenie all the way to those dark trimmed pubes while pulling on his nuts. Boss Man Mike (nice-looking with brown hair, toned/smooth body) arrives wearing a suit ‘n tie and some cool shades. Mike watches as Wener fucks Josh’s willing mouth with his hard meat. Mike pulls his plump nuts and big cut cock from the fly in his slacks allowing Wener to chow down.

Mike has some huge fuckin’ nuts on him. Hot! He’s soon on his knees gorging on stiff tube steak cramming those dongs down his eager throat while his busy fist works ‘em up ‘n down. Wener sucks Mike’s prick some more while Josh fucks Mike from behind. It a sexual free-for-all when Josh takes over and pounds Mike from behind, Mike finger fucks Wener’s tight hairy bunghole, and Wener screws Mike doggy style. Mike shoots a wad on his stomach and arm while Josh cuts loose with a large thick load on Mike’s chest and stomach, and Wener licks the spooge up! Wener doesn’t cum but makes up for it by lapping it all up.

“Not So Straight”:

High above the Hollywood Hills Gunner (handsome with short dark curly hair, mustache, muscular/hairy body) sunbathes while wearing red swim trunks. He grabs his trusty binoculars and spies on nearby neighbor Rocco Rizzoli (handsome with short dark curly hair, mustache, and toned/hairy body) who also happens to be sunbathing. Rocco’s plump nuts and big fat uncut cock are on display as he enjoys the latest issue of “Pussy Galore” and plays with himself. All horned up, Gunner throws on some clothes and heads over to Rocco’s pad gung ho on getting some straight cock. At first Rocco rejects Gunner’s sexual advances but is soon enjoying having his new pal suck that big fat thang jacking the shaft and rubbing those big balls. Gunner gives a mean blowjob and spends time sucking that amble foreskin. Hot!

The dudes kiss with plenty of wet tongues and I imagine Rocco has forgotten all about “Pussy Galore”. Gunner rubs his hard clipped cock against Rocco’s mouth and his new buddy is soon chowing down like a pro slobbering up ‘n down. Gunner sinks down on that enormous wang sliding his tight hairy bunghole up ‘n down the hard shaft filling his chute with Grade A unclipped pork. Rocco takes the lead and fucks Gunner from behind using fast ‘n hard pounding as Gunner hunches back demanding more. Gunner shoots a large ‘n thick load as he once again rides that cock. Rocco jerks off as Gunner sucks his big nuts and shoots a large thick load on his stomach. Hot!

“Drive Shaft”:

Mike Davis (hot dude with longish blond hair, heavy beard stubble, muscular/hairy body) is working in his yard when Lloyd Kasper (cute with brown hair, toned/smooth body) drives up in his jeep and cruises him. Lloyd immediately begins rubbing the bulge in Mike’s blue jeans while jacking his hard clipped cock. Knowing a good “thing” when he sees it, Mike hops in the jeep and the dudes make out with plenty of wet tongue. Mike grabs Lloyd’s stiff tool and slobbers up ‘n down filling his mouth with hard meat. The dudes are very horny and practically swallow each other’s tongues as they kiss, lick chins!, and go at it like ravenous animals. Mike reminds me of “Sawyer” on the television series “Lost”. He straddles Lloyd in the comfortable and carpeted back of the jeep allowing his large meaty uncut cock and big balls to hang from the fly of his blue jeans. Hot! Lloyd sucks and licks that big dick taking it down his throat.

Lloyd deep throats that big dong all the way down to Mike’s full brown pubes which leads to some fast face fucking. In a groovy montage, the viewer is treated to a variety of sex acts including sixty-nine, ass eating, sitting on faces, thumb fucking, cock sucking, ball sucking, and more deep kissing. Mike beats off and shoots his wad on Lloyd’s tongue. Hot! Lloyd loves it grabbing that cock and sucking the foreskin. Lloyd busts a thick nut on Mike’s hairy chest. Mike takes Lloyd’s spent cock back into his mouth for another taste. This short is also available in the COLT compilation “Couples”.

“Alley Cats”:

The short starts with some cool nighttime footage of the 405 Freeway in Los Angeles and makes its way into Hollywood and then downtown. A stern voiceover informs the viewer: “Everyone thinks of L.A. in terms of sunshine. But night comes here like everywhere else….and there’s an urban L.A. rarely glimpsed and seldom seen. Downtown Los Angeles. Here sunshine is replaced by the mercury lamp and neon. Here there is danger prowling the streets after dark.” Hmmm. Okay. Anyway, Beau Matthews (good-looking with longish brown hair) cruises the downtown bus terminal looking for some hot man-on-man action. He soon spots sexy military dude Loren Marks (good-looking with short brown buzz cut, toned/smooth body). The dudes end up in a neon lit alley smoking cigarettes as the sound of heavy traffic can be heard in the background.

The action start off on an odd note as Loren fucks Beau’s mouth with his fingers. God only knows where he’s had his hands! The dudes engage in some rough tongue kissing and body rubbing making Beau drop to his knees and take Loren’s cut cock down his gullet. Beau gives excellent head as Loren fucks his face long ‘n hard and Beau pinches the hell out of military dude’s hard eraser tip nipples. As if by magic, a nice clean mattress appears in the dirty alley for the dudes to really get down to business. Loren continues to force that cock down his pal’s throat while Beau is busy rubbing Loren’s tight hairy asshole. Loren wants a taste as well taking Beau’s hard clipped dong down his throat. Loren fucks Beau in the missionary position using fast ‘n hard strokes while Beau sucks those hard nipples. Hot! Loren shoots a large thick load on Beau’s chest as Beau lets loose on his own stomach. Hot!

“Three is a Dream”:

Hunky Marine Loren Marks is back having been dropped off at J.W. King’s (good-looking with dark hair, mustache, toned body) apartment. Loren stands rubbing his crotch as he eyes J.W. and roomie Todd Barron (very cute with brown hair, toned/hairy body) play around on the sofa . A hilarious song featuring what sounds like very slowed down vocals warbles on the soundtrack. J.W. rubs Todd’s bum making him wake up and smile when he sees Loren stroking that hard cut prick. J.W. unbutton his blue jeans revealing a fat hard clipped cock, plump nuts, and full bush. Todd takes that dong down his throat jacking the shaft and nursing the flared knob. Loren gets in on the action by pulling Todd’s stiff cut tool back between his legs and chows down filling his hungry throat.

Loren really goes to town on Todd’s cock deep throating it all the way down to a full dark bush as J.W. rubs Loren’s tight hairy butt hole. J.W. fucks Loren from behind pounding that ass as Loren continues to suck Todd’s dong. Not satisfied with plowing one hole, J.W. bangs Todd doggy style using fast ‘n smooth strokes while Loren and Todd make out with heavy wet tongues. Loren squirts a large load on his stomach while Todd fucks his mouth. Todd then laps that hot jizz from Loren’s body. Todd gives J.W. some very impressive deep throat leading Todd to shoot spunk on his stomach as J.W. pounds him in the missionary position. J.W. shoots a thick load of spunk on his fist. Hot!

“Alter Ego”:

Strutz (nice-looking with short dark hair, mustache, and muscular/smooth body) is wearing some type of strict looking uniform as he stands before a mirror and rubs a hefty tube in his trousers. He slowly unbuttons his shirt revealing a smooth muscular chest and continues down unbuttoning his pants revealing full pubes, yummy large hangy nuts, and a big ol’ uncut dick. As he strokes his member, Strutz has some very hot ‘n heavy pre-cum leakage. He’s now fully turned on and jacking his rigid pole using both fists to work the long shaft and huge purple knob. Strutz’s foreskin is somewhat short so there isn’t any up ‘n over the cock head action. Laying back with legs spread wide open and tight hairy bunghole on full display, Strutz fully enjoys the wonders of self-lovin’ shooting a thick load.

The DVD

Video:

The ten short movies are shot directly on film and presented in full screen. These vintage 1970s and 1980s shorts look quite good for their age with just a little grain and a nice clean picture. The camera work is descent and provides coverage of all the action with plenty of close-ups of the cock sucking. There are not a whole lot of close-ups of the fucking; however, there are some very nice penetration shots from time to time.

Sound:

The shorts are shot silently with music added in during postproduction. The instrumental tunes range from cool Italian Western to groovy Doors-like organ ditties and odd tunes that sound like they were slowed way down making for some hilarious/creepy vocals.

Extras:

The disc includes an interactive menu, scene selection, chapter stops, and previews for: “Boot Black Blues”, “Hard Studies”, “Big Rig”, and “Beyond Perfect”.

Final Thoughts:

COLT Studios and Buckshot Productions dust off ten vintage short movies from the 1970s and 1980s. Each short has a theme such as tropical beach sex, fooling around on the job, smutty back alley fuckin’, and sunbathing jack off. The dudes are appealing with a nice mix of muscle-bound, muscular, and toned bodies. They give groovy performances and look to be into each other and the action. My personal favorites here are Loren Marks, Mike Betts, Rocco Rizzoli, J.W. King, and Mike Davis. As mentioned above, the picture quality is clean with some grain and a few scratches due to age. This is a fine collection of short movies that should appeal to those who dig the golden age of gay porn before dudes started shaving below the belt.

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Writer-director Mike Binder’s previous film, The Upside of Anger, was one of the 2005’s best, with enough funny and profound moments to think he might very well emerge as one of Hollywood’s top comedic forces in film for some time to come.  Unfortunately, his follow-up, Man About Town, lacks nearly everything that made Upside a success.  With an uninteresting premise, spotty acting, and an uneven tone, there’s an overwhelming sense of inertia to the film that never really allows it to approach the level of substance that Binder clearly feels is in there.

Ben Affleck (Surviving Christmas, Jersey Girl) stars as once-successful talent agent Jack Giamoro, who has been in a slump of late, not only in landing lucrative clients, but also in keeping things on the up-and-up in his stale marriage to his former supermodel wife, Nina (Romijn, The Punisher).  To break himself out of his rut, Jack decides to try to express himself creatively by taking a journal writing course, where he is required to write daily thoughts and secrets in order to get to the bottom of just who he really is and what he really wants. 

After a half-assed effort, Jack finally starts to hit a personal stride in his notes, until his wife drops the bomb on him about a fling she has had with one of the agency’s top clients (Goldberg, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days).  This and other juicy tidbits find their way into the journal, but it proves more of a hindrance than help when the journal is stolen by a reporter and struggling screenwriter (Bai Ling, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow) that has been P.O.’d that Jack has refused to answer calls or acknowledge the screenplays sent in.  Now it’s up to Jack to deal with marriage issues, an agency falling apart, and keeping the intimate details of his personal and professional business from hitting the local papers.

For a film about a talent agency, Man About Town is a surprising waste of talent, not only for Binder, but for most of this likeable cast as well.  Not that the film is a total waste, however, as Binder does manage to strike a resonant chord now and again with some insights, but they aren’t really stringed together in a strong enough fashion to overcome the substantive flaws.  The reporter stealing Jack’s journal plot is a pointless way to get Jack to face the real issues of his life, and if anything, it serves mostly to confuse the themes as to what the film is really all about. 

Perhaps if Binder had tried to stick to an "empty suit" agent finally coming to terms with dealing with what’s really inside him, without all of the obvious gags and dumb thriller elements, Man About Town would have had the chance to be as erudite as Binder tries to deliver during the more serious moments.  Alas, Binder tries to tread the line between philosophy and farce, satire and slapstick, and with so many contrasting story devices, the imbalance of mood finally does the film in as a potentially intelligent piece of entertainment.

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Here’s a sequel for those yayhoos who invested themselves in the PLOT the first go around. Let’s see, that’s … one … two … THREE people. Five TOPS if ya throw in the writer and director. But mainly we’re talkin’ Denise Richards, Neve Campbell and Matt Dillon. The thespianic trio who somehow rationalized themselves into, for art’s sake, mainstream Hollywood’s most champagne-slathered group grope. See they HAD to give a rat’s hiney about who quadruple-crossed who just to look their sainted mamas square in the eye afterward. The rest of us? That’s why our Japanese brothers invented fast-forward and slow-mo buttons. So, Denise darlin … Neve, Matt, you kiddos go right ahead and watch some MORE pretzel’d plotlines. We freeze-frame perverts will rejoin ya about 40 minutes in when the requisite menage ensues betwixt nuevo-riche girl Susan Ward, bad girl Leila Arcieri and crooked coroner Tony Denison (plus a body double recouping her career investment.) Although, it’s hardly worth popping a cork over. CineSchlockers smitten by Ms. Ward’s enormous, yet untapped talents should consider perusing the international cut of The In Crowd. Six breasts. Four corpses. Gratuitous fan-boat footage. Heckling. Slow-mo volleyball jiggle fest. Gratuitous shower sequence. Poolside mourning. Lesbian tongue rasslin. Bitch slapping. Stout nominee for Line of the Year: “He’d seen more p@#&$ than an animal hospital.” (2004, 95 mins, 1.85:1 anam, DD 5.1, Trailers, Featurette. Note: Marvel as Ms. Ward mangles the word “gregarious” during her on-set interview.)

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An absolute must-have for anyone who likes to laugh, Sgt. Bilko - 50th Anniversary Collection (The Phil Silvers Show) has been a long time in coming, but definitely worth the wait. Though some decry Paramount’s decision to test the waters with an 18-episode “best-of” collection rather than plunge directly into a first season set, there’s no denying that the representative shows presented here are classics of television comedy, and combined with its mountain of great extras this unquestionably is one of the best DVDs sets so far this year.

At Fort Baxter in Roseville, Kansas, Master Sgt. Ernie Bilko (Silvers) runs the camp’s motor pool, though there’s nary a Jeep in sight. An incorrigible con artist and gambler, Bilko bilks his company of misfits at every opportunity with one outrageous scam after another, from pooling their money to buy a racehorse to betting on how many times an officer’s erudite wife (Charlotte Rae) lecturing the men on Beethoven will “twitch,” pulling on her girdle.

Aided by loyal lackeys Corporals Barbella (Harvey Lembeck, fresh out of Stalag 17 and several years away from the beach as Eric von Zipper) and Henshaw (Allan Melvin), Bilko staves off the weary, ineffectual efforts to tame him by long-suffering C.O. Col. Hall (Paul Ford), one of TV’s great comic foils.

This often hilarious show works on several levels. In the conservative 1950s, Bilko was a veritable celebration of vice, populated by ordinary, often dead-broke schlubs in a medium that favored a much more attractive, upwardly mobile middle-class America. Bilko’s platoon (like the Brooklyn precinct on Car 54) was populated by a realistic cross-section of races, creeds, and ethnicities. As personified by slovenly Pvt. Doberman (Maurice Gosfield, reportedly much like Doberman off-camera as well as on), Bilko’s men were gullible, unkempt, and lazy, easy marks for his outrageous grifts. The large ensemble, composed of minor nightclub comedians, struggling actors, gambling friends of Hiken and Silvers, ex-boxers and the like, is a great mix of talent, grotesques straight out of a Fellini movie. Many of these regulars, including Herbie Faye, Ned Glass, and Billy Sands (a former umpire), would go on to appear in hundreds of other sitcom episodes. Other semi-regular and one-shot visitors to the motor pool included future Oscar-winner George Kennedy (who began his career as Bilko’s military advisor), Joe E. Ross & Fred Gwynne (pre Car 54), Al Lewis, Alan Alda, Dick Van Dyke, and Murray Hamilton. Hiken and Silvers were also sports fanatics who liked putting their sports star pals on the show, sometimes as themselves, often in uncredited bit parts, among them Rocky Graziano, Whitey Ford, Sam Snead, Red Barber, and Yogi Berra.

Tellingly, many of the shows writers and at least two actors went on to create shows and movies of their own, including Neil Simon, Bernard Fein (Hogan’s Heroes), Leonard Stern (Get Smart), Sydney Zelinka (various sitcoms and a regular writer on The Honeymooners), and director Mark Rydell.

Bilko was such a smash both critically and with audiences that it literally became a victim of its own success, and perhaps is the only TV show ever cancelled because it was so popular. To Silvers’ eternal frustration, CBS cancelled it in its fourth year because they wanted to reap the benefits of syndication while the show was still at the top.

Here’s the breakdown of episodes: Disc 1: “New Recruits” (the premiere episode), “The WAC,” “The Horse,” “The Eating Contest,” and “Bivouac.” Disc 2: “The Twitch,” “The Investigation,” “The Revolutionary War,” “The Court Martial,” “A Mess Sergeant Can’t Win,” and “Doberman’s Sister.” Disc 3: “Bilko’s Tax Trouble,” “The Big Scandal,” “Hillbilly Whiz,” “Bilko the Art Lover,” “Bilko Joins the Navy,” and “Weekend Colonel” (the series finale).

Video & Audio

Sgt. Bilko - 50th Anniversary Collection (The Phil Silvers Show) is presented in flawless transfers over three discs with virtually no sign of age-related wear, with strong blacks and a sharp image. Episodes are uncut and are not time-compressed. They retain the original syndication openings (with an animated, cartoon Sgt. Bilko and Pvt. Doberman), though the original opening (as “You’ll Never Get Rich̶ is included as an extra. The mono audio is very clean also and the only shortcoming here is the lack of subtitle or alternate audio options.

Extra Features

Deservedly, this set of Sgt. Bilko shows has been supplemented with lots of great supplements spread over all three discs.

They include a Lost Audition Tape, a 33-minute pilot film preserved as a 16mm kinescope culled from the Nat Hiken Collection. It’s virtually identical to “The New Recruits” with one major exception: Jack Warden plays Corporal Henshaw, suggesting that if he had got the part, maybe we’d have seen Allan Melvin in movies like 12 Angry Men while Warden would have gone on to play Sam the Butcher on The Brady Bunch! Also included is Bilko’s first-ever TV appearance, in a sketch on The Ed Sullivan Show a week or two before You’ll Never Get Rich’s premiere.

There are clips from the 1956 Emmy Awards, where You’ll Never Get Rich pretty much swept all the comedy awards, in spite of such prestigious competition from the likes of The Honeymooners, The Jack Benny Show, and Caesar’s Hour. A delightful appearance by Phil Silvers and Jack Benny on The Dick Cavett Show, circa about 1971-73, is nearly worth the price of the set all by itself. Steve Martin, Dan Aykroyd, and Phil Hartman talk about the show in Nick at Nite Taping/Sgt. Bilko Movie Promos and, looking slightly embarrassed, talk about their own movie version. Well, Hartman does a good imitation of Paul Ford. The late actor (Hartman that is) also appears in raw footage for Nick and Nite Episode Intros. Finally, there’s audio of a Friars Club Stag Roast for Humphrey Bogart (1955), hosted by Silvers. And all that is just on Disc One!

Disc Two includes the Original Network Opening and Original Commercials, both preceded by a warning: “Please do not smoke,” a reference to Bilko sponsor Camel Cigarettes. As with other seminal ’50s shows, it’s strange to watch Silvers (who suffered massive strokes possibly related to smoking) Harvey Lembeck (who died of a heart attack at extolling the virtues of Camels. Also included is a Gag Photo courtesy Mickey Freeman, and a brief segment, also from Nick at Nite, with Tony Randall and Jack Klugman Remember[ing] Bilko.

Disc Three offers more Emmy Awards clips, this time from 1957; a Bilko sketch excerpted from a kinescoped TV special, Phil Silvers on Broadway; a 1959 Pontiac Commercial featuring the star; and a terribly lame and labored New Phil Silvers Show Promo: CBS 1963 Fall Preview, which mentions several shows but includes no clips.

A sharp but physically very frail-looking Silvers appears in Phil’s Final TV Interview with Sonny Fox from 1985, the year he died. In it, Silvers pays tribute to the late Harvey Lembeck and Joe E. Ross (”I think he married 11 times, each time to a hooker”). The Bilko Growl, audio only, is a you-have-to-hear-it-to-believe-it novelty song written by Silvers’ son-in-law Iren Koster, and apparently designed to repeat the popular success of “The Curly Shuffle.” Finally, a very good Photo Gallery rounds out the package.

Alas, most of the cast and writing talent have since passed away, but several of the show’s survivors provide charming Audio Commentaries: Allan Melvin, who provides brief audio introductions to each show and most of the special features, also does a full-length commentary track for “The New Recruits”; George Kennedy offers a wonderful, anecdote-filled one accompanying “The Court Martial,” while Larry Storch and Mickey Freeman (”Private Zimmerman̶ talk about “Doberman’s Sister” and “Bilko Joins the Navy”; finally, Dick Van Dyke discusses about his early appearance on “Hillbilly Whiz.”

Parting Thoughts

For longtime fans of Sgt. Bilko, this boxed set is long overdue. For those new to the show, we envy your discovery of one of the best sitcoms ever. An easy DVD Talk Collector Series title.

Stuart Galbraith IV is a Kyoto-based film historian whose work includes The Emperor and the Wolf - The Lives and Films of Akira Kurosawa and Toshiro Mifune and Taschen’s forthcoming Cinema Nippon. Visit Stuart’s Cine Blogarama here.
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The Perfect Storm *** (out of 5) (2000)

Cast: George Clooney, Mark Wahlberg, John C. Reilly, Diane Lane, William Fichtner

Directed by Wolfgang Petersen

Based on real events that happened back in 1991, and chronicled in Sebastian Junger’s bestseller, this is a mostly speculative account of what happened on board a fishing vessel in the North Atlantic which past through one of the nastiest storms ever. It’s a struggle for survival as the crew quickly find themselves slowly losing control of every aspect of the ship.

THE PERFECT STORM is what happens when something that should have been made for TV gets big budget Hollywood treatment. The special effects are what’s most impressive about the film, which is astonishing since most people watching won’t realize almost all of the storm is computer generated. Wolfgang Petersen, director of the taut thriller AIR FORCE ONE and the classic submarine film DAS BOOT, does the best he can with the material given to him, and a competent cast of character actors breathe life into simplistic, underwritten roles. A more realistic portrayal of these events would have made for a much more compelling film, but too much romanticism and whoop-de-do before what’s just a mere fishing expedition leads to a schmaltzy and ineffectual ending. Credit Petersen and the cast for making this watchable, but it really isn’t a film that needed to be made.

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